Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Cigarettes, Lingerie and Buckshot

There have been some strange goings on in the neighborhood lately. First off let me classify what I think of as my neighborhood, it consists of the houses on each side of me and the two across the road. It is roughly a mile of road and approximately 40 acres. Now within a month and a half in three of these houses there has been five deaths, which is strange and sad in it's own right, but not what has me worried. Two weeks ago Farmer Joe and I found a cigarette pack about three quarters up our drive (the drive is 1000 foot long.) Now both he and I smoke, but it was not either of our brands nor was it a brand of any of our friends that smoke. Then a week later as Farmer Joe was walking home from work, he cut across the field and came across a piece of lingerie. Due to the size and the fact that none of mine had been hung on a clothesline to blow off recently we determined we had had a visitor sometime in the night. I think someone is using our driveway as a make out spot. Because of the curve in the drive you would be well hidden from the road. Then last week, someone was beating on the door of one of the houses across the road at a late hour. Lights were turned on, but no one was ever seen. So I have come up with a plan, that is if Farmer Joe will let me carry it out. Phase I: Stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights and creep thru the woods and stake out the driveway. If I see someone pull in and stop give them a good few minutes and then BLAM! A warning shot fired across the top of the car. Or Phase II: use the lingerie for target practice attach it to a sign that reads “If this was yours, don't bother coming back.” Farmer Joe looks at me when I mention either idea and just sort of shakes his head. I understand teenage hormones, I was one once upon a time. But for pete's sake find a road that leads to the river or a forest road in the mountains and leave my drive alone.

After much consideration over how to handle this without have the law called or seriously scaring the crap out of someone we have either decided to put up an electronic gate or get one of the drive way alarms. Personally I am voting for the alarm. Trespassers won't know it's there and if it goes off in the middle of the night, I can still sneak down and scare them. Wish me luck.


  1. Sounds to me like the alarm is a good idea! That way you'll still get the fun of shaking them up a bit!

  2. http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4315477600049539181#allposts

    If they isn't doing nuthin to bother yuh, leaving trash, makin midnight noise, throwin rocks at the dog or otherwise bein a pest - why not jus leave em alone?